Hodgson apologises to Ferdinand over drunken tube confessional

England manager Roy Hodgson
*Hic!* (Img: Mikhail Slain)
England manager Roy “Psycho” Hodgson has apologised to Rio Ferdinand over comments he made to commuters while pissed out of his skull on London Underground.

Hodgson, ratted, was on his way into town with a bunch of mates when he was spotted by passengers, who asked him if he was Roy Hodgson, and was that a bottle of Jägermeister in his hand, and could they have some, and would he start picking the Manchester United defender again now that John Terry has retired from the fold.

According to Football Burp sources, the former Halmstads BK, Bristol City, IK Oddevold, Örebro SK, Malmö FF, Neuchâtel Xamax, Switzerland, Inter Milan, Blackburn Rovers, Grasshoppers Zurich, FC Copenhagen, Udinese, United Arab Emirates, Viking Stavanger, Finland, Fulham, Liverpool and West Bromwich Albion boss raised one finger, swayed a bit and slurred, “Nnnnot on yooouuurrrr nelly!”

When questioned further, Football Burp understands that Hodgson sat down next to the inquisitor-in-chief, put an arm around his shoulder and laughed “one of those drunken, spitty cackles”.

A man what was on the train said: “He then started talking about how Rio was like a son to him, and that he’d never do any wrong by him, ever. He said he loves Rio, and then said it a few more times with increasing volume.

“Suddenly his smile falls away and he bursts into tears, weeps into this bloke’s shoulder and roars ‘what have I done?’ over and over. He was sobbing uncontrollably, it was really uncomfortable for everyone.

“So then his mate Graham comes over and says, ‘Come on, Roy, do they not like that!’ – and Roy stops crying, sniffs some snot back up and looks up at him.

“And that’s when he went for him – it was mad, they’re both rolling around the carriage crying blue murder at one another, this other lad Terry’s trying to split them apart, yelling things like, ‘Lads, cut it out, you’re a bloody disgrace!’

“I thought it was Ray Winstone at first, but then I noticed how orange his face was.”

When told what he was alleged to have said and done, Hodgson expressed remorse and no little confusion.

He said: “Really? I don’t remember any of that. Mind you, I’d had six shots of sambuca and half a bottle of vodka by the time we’d got on the train, so that probably didn’t help.

“In any case, it was unprofessional of me to disuss squad selection in such a casual manner, so I owe Rio a full and frank apology the next time I see him at an awards do or some such.

“Because I sure as buggery won’t be seeing him in training any time soon.”

He added: “Oops.”