Footballer Rio Ferdinand was this morning all like “shut up, yeah” in response to allegations that he is a naughty racist man.
The allegations, alleged, stemmed from a tweet the Manchester United star heartily endorsed that referred to his former England team-mate Ashley Cole as a “choc-ice”, the inference seemingly being that the Chelsea left-back, a Saggitarius, is
brown on the outside and white on the inside creamy and delicious.
When asked if he does indeed believe Cole to be satisfyingly chocolatey, Ferdinand got well vexed and pointed out that labelling someone a “choc-ice” is a very commonly deployed method of insinuating that someone is proper fam, you know, with John Terry.
He was like: “Mans use that phrase all the time, you get me?
“The stick I’ve been getting for this is bang out of order. All I did was reply to another man’s tweet saying words to the effect, I believe, of ‘you’re right, Ashley Cole does sometimes shed large chunks of chocolate when you first take a bit out of him, or it splits and caves in so you’re forced to remove them and eat them incrementally along with mouthfuls of ice cream to get the full effect, because let’s face it, you don’t really want to part with the best part of two pounds – sometimes more – if you have to consume it in a method other than the one that it was intended to be eaten in: chocolate coating and delicious ice cream all at the same time.
“Sometimes you get an Ashley Cole that’s all melted onto the wrapper and that is simply not on.”
Cole was unavailable for comment as he was too busy reading the Daily Mail and listening to Genesis.