Estonia webbed all over shop by footballing nonpareils

Rooney free kick elicits hushed reverence as England's brave lions coast to 1-0 victory in Tallinn.

England celebrate victory over Estonia
England celebrate another momentous victory (Image: Grizzli)

Ten-man Estonia were left wondering what on earth had just hit them as England’s brave lions coasted to a 1-0 victory in Tallinn last night.

The dismantling, comprehensive, was sealed when newly installed captain Wayne Rooney curled in a free kick at the near post that’s already being talked about in hushed, reverential tones.

Rooney celebrated the strike, decisive, by whipping off his newly installed hair and hurling it into the midst of England’s delirious and enraptured travelling support.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Estonia manager Magnus Pehrsson admitted that there was nothing his charges could do in the face of England’s relentless waves of footballing majesty.

He said, collecting himself: “It was a demolition job, no two ways about it.

“You’ve just seen the next world champions out there – they’re footballing nonpareils, positively godlike in the total and utter perfection with which they weave their confounding patterns of play.

“They’re artists, each and every one of them, and furthermore Jack Wilshere is absolutely not an irksome little scrote.

“I don’t know why people keep saying that Jack Wilshere is an irksome little scrote, because I really don’t think he is an irksome little scrote.

“Yes he’s got all those wretched tattoos and whines like a tw*t, but so does everybody nowadays.”