“Calling someone ‘foolish earthling’ isn’t racist” – Shelvey pleads not guilty to FA charge

Newcastle United alien pours scorn on accusations.

Jonjo Shelvey has pleaded not guilty to an FA racism charge
PROUD ZOGIAN: Shelvey (Image: Toon90)

Jonjo Shelvey has pleaded not guilty to an FA misconduct charge, pointing out that it’s not racist to refer to a human opponent as “foolish earthling”.

The Newcastle United alien-cum-midfielder was alleged to have racistly abused Roman Saiss of Wolverhampton Wanderers, an accusation he staunchly rejects.

Pouring hot scorn on any suggestion of racism, Shelvey has requested an FA hearing where he intends to remind everyone that he himself is from the Planet Zog.

Although nationalised and capped by England, the Magpies ace hails from a galaxy billions of lightyears away where racism doesn’t even exist.

He told Football Burp: “Roman was getting all up in my face so I called him ‘foolish earthling’ – what’s wrong with that?

“There’s no implication that he’s foolish because he’s an earthling, nor is ‘earthling’ considered a pejorative term back on Zog.

“I think Roman’s bang out of order, to be honest, playing the earthling card. He ought to know exactly what he’s dealing with here.

“There’s not often much cause to use it but I’ve got a twelve-foot tongue made of solid acid, so he wants to carefully consider his next move.

“I could get him abducted and probed just like that, I could. Trust me, I know people.

“Well, not people exactly, but you get my gist.”