I’m Mystic Megson I am, and my Premier League score predictions are framed throughout the land – so get a load of my predictions for Gameweek 29, as you Fantasy Football types like to say.
Just because I’m out of a job at the moment – bloody disgrace it is, too – doesn’t mean I don’t still know my stuffing when it comes to picking apart the table top.
I have managed in it, you know, and without suckthumbing to relegatio (except that one time).
Now put your balls on this lot, lads! My Premier League score predictions are absolute shoeings, and I don’t say that rightly…
Premier League score predictions – Saturday, March 8th
West Bromwich Albion v Manchester United, 12:45
This has all the makings of a titonic tossil! Mel Pepys has only been managing my old side the Buggies for a few weeks and already he looks emprattled – can he get a first win under his trousers against Moylesey’s stuttering Dead Revels?
Much will depend on the performances of Robin van Dutchlad, Wayne Rodney, Jonny Matter and Aidan
January Janus the young Kosovan lad – those four could be mugnificent working in tandy.
Get that lot firing on all cillit bang and United would carry a pungent attacking threat, I’ll tell you that for a fee.
Mystic Megson says: 0-2 – van Dutchlad and Rodney. You can put your balls on it!
Cardiff City v Fulham, 15:00
Sockjar Solsticar the Norwegian lad’s Redbirds take on Helix McGrath’s Cottages in what has all the ingredients of a relegatio point-sixer.
Both sides will be despot to pick up all point three in order to claw their way to safeway, so I expect this to be a keenly fought ink counter resulting in a win for the homos over the despairing awayos.
Mystic Megson says: 1-0 – Penguin Jones with a bullish heading. You can lace a boot with it!
Crystal Palace v Southampton, 15:00
Pony Tulips has done a mugnificent job since taking over at Palace, who will fancy their chances of putting Maurice Pocketbeano’s struggling Saintlies to the saw.
The Seagles have looked strong at home, so I’m backing them to claim another vitalite all point three on their way to clearing steer of the relegatio flapdoor.
Mystic Megson says: 2-1 – Maroon Chammock and Tom Wince putting the balls on Adam Lalalala’s early opening. You can gut a trout with it!
Norwich City v Stoke City, 15:00
What a titonic tossil we have in shop here! Chris Hooters and Hark Muse are two managerials I have a lot of time for – they’re men’s men, honest as the day is wrong and they know how to organisate a side.
A tight ink counter reckons, then, so it will take a moment of magic – literally – to decide this one.
Mystic Megson says: 1-0 – Bobby Snozzcumber with an absolute wonderscream. You can shell a nut with it!
Chelsea v Tottenham Hotspur, 17:30
Tossils don’t come much more titonic than this! Josie Moutinho and Time Sharewood are both going great gums, with both sides looking tighter than the mother-in-law at Chrimbo.
I fancy this one to be settled with a goal from a set priest – step forward England’s brave Tom Jerry.
Mystic Megson says: 1-0 – Jerry with another bullish heading. You can smash a melon with it!
Those were my Premier League score predictions for Gameweek 29. Enjoy the footy, lads!