If you require a bespoke intro to our tweets of the weekend, drop us a line.

Otherwise: here are our tweets of the weekend, innit…

“Calm Down, It’s Just a Friendly” of the Weekend

Real Madrid

37' GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL DE CRISTIANO RONALDO #RMTour2013

— Real Madrid C. F. (@realmadrid) August 10, 2013

Renovation of the Weekend

Carrow Road, home of Norwich City

Awards evening at carrow road with @ewanmcneil_ pic.twitter.com/tsoQ2P4GEa

— Dunga (@jamardunga) August 10, 2013

Looks nicer than we remember it.

Smackdown of the Weekend

Gabriel Zakuani, Peterborough United

Still waiting lol pic.twitter.com/4QdbVVUCBv

— Gabriel Zakuani (@Gabs50Zakuani) August 10, 2013

Originality of the Weekend

Peterborough United fans responding to Gabriel Zakuani’s Smackdown of the Weekend

@Gabs50Zakuani hope you took him out your pocket before heading home Gabz??

— Garry Clark (@garryclark1984) August 10, 2013

@Gabs50Zakuani remember to check your pockets!

— Dominic (@dom_whit) August 10, 2013

@Gabs50Zakuani surely you need to let him out of your pocket first before he can attempt (and fail) to get you

— Tom Sanford (@tomsanfordpufc) August 10, 2013

Substitution of the Weekend

Luke Young on for Luke Young

Massive cheer as Tyler Harvey, Andres Gurrieri and Luke Young replace Reuben Reid, Romy Boco and Luke Young #pafc

— Plymouth Argyle FC (@Only1Argyle) August 10, 2013

Unlikely Alliance of the Weekend

UKIP and Watford’s mascot Harry the Hornet

The true identity of Harry Hornet is more closely guarded than that of the "Stig"," Some people say …."

— John S (@JohnS_UKIP) August 4, 2013

Film Critic of the Weekend

Rodney Marsh, ex-Fulham, Manchester City and Queens Park Rangers

Saw Beyond the Pines last night. Gave it 0 out of 10. I changed it to 1 out of 10 because of Eva's nipples.

— Rodney Marsh (@RodneyMarsh10) August 10, 2013

Beard Inquiry of the Weekend

Robert Earnshaw, Toronto FC to Joe Ledley, Celtic

@joe16led took a self time out.im good.Nice to hear from you.i heard you have a beard?

— Robert Earnshaw (@RobertEarnshaw) August 9, 2013

Giving Dad a Piggyback of the Weekend

Millie Ruddock, daughter of Neil

Massively struggling right now

— Millie Ruddock (@MillieRuddock) August 10, 2013

Challenge of the Weekend

Former Newcastle United midfielder and new Twitter arrival Rob Lee to have more followers by next week than his footballing sons Olly (Birmingham City) and Elliot (West Ham United)

@OllyLee7 @ElliotLee9 if your old man has more followers than you this time next week you're gonna get hammered! #startpraying

— Paul Watson (@paul3watson) August 9, 2013

At the time of writing, Olly has 2,914, Elliot has 8,351 and Rob has 6,794. It’s looking good for dad!

Exclusive of the Weekend

Craig Beattie, ex-Celtic

BREAKING NEWS:Luka Modric was earlier 1day spotted in Manchester having talks with Manchester City boss Pellegrini. pic.twitter.com/5fKs3p23my”

— Craig Beattie (@CraigBeats) August 10, 2013

“…Before Turning the Fists on Himself…” of the Weekend

Joey Barton, Queens Park Rangers

I know I cannot be true I'm an animal, just like you oh I'll bleed just a little bit too oh I'll bleed just like you

— Joseph Barton (@Joey7Barton) August 9, 2013

Prankster of the Weekend

Mark Phillips, Southend United

Dont think freddie getting out any time soon pic.twitter.com/rF1pVJY5lB

— Mark Phillips (@TheMarkPhillips) August 10, 2013

Weve caught ourselves an eastwood and hes not too happy :) pic.twitter.com/MA3runPzx2

— Mark Phillips (@TheMarkPhillips) August 10, 2013

Guess the wally who witnessed me trapping freddie and still got trapped??? pic.twitter.com/cVLiYcyP5D

— Mark Phillips (@TheMarkPhillips) August 10, 2013

This one got a bit angry and nearly took the door off @bencoker24 pic.twitter.com/tTMX56aQ5a

— Mark Phillips (@TheMarkPhillips) August 10, 2013

And another one…… @conorclifford91 pic.twitter.com/qdHQ4eQx4O

— Mark Phillips (@TheMarkPhillips) August 10, 2013

This 1 knew i was gonna get him,stood there with door open and still i got him Not the sharpest tool pic.twitter.com/3Hhuug6kMl

— Mark Phillips (@TheMarkPhillips) August 10, 2013

Remembrance of the Weekend

10 years since Jimmy Davis past away on way 2 our game, Glad I got 2 no him even 4 the short time he was at watford pic.twitter.com/fVNxYDdzEH

— lloyd doyley (@LDX2012) August 10, 2013