A bunch of footballers missed a bunch of penalties at the end of last night’s League Cup semi-final second leg tie between Manchester United and Sunderland, we can exclusively reveal.
The misses, varying degrees of spectacular/feeble, have been attributed to everything from high pressure to low talent, with some even blaming the presence of a large magnet in the stand immediately behind the goal.
However, the magnet theory doesn’t make any sense from a scientific perspective, since footballs are made of synthetic leather which carries little in the way of magnetic properties.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Red Devils utility man Phil Jones was nevertheless keen to propagate the magnet theory.
He said: “I could definitely smell a magnet in the stands as I stepped up to take that penalty, yeah.
“Welbs [Danny Welbeck] said he could smell one when he stepped up to take his, so someone must have snuck one in.
“It’s true that synthetic leather carries little in the way of magnetic properties, but football’s a funny old game and the form book goes out the window for games like last night’s.
“Perhaps there was a magnet outside the window of the room they keep the form book in, I can only speculate.
“At the end of the day, though, I cost £17m so I’m not just going to sky a penalty like a numpty without something sinister going on.”
Welbeck was not available for comment as he was busy rummaging around the stands at Old Trafford pointing at each seat in turn and asking if it’s a magnet.