I’m Indie Nile, innit, and my knowledge of the current indie scene is every bit as boom ting as the goals I score for Newcastle United.

Well, Newcastle United let me go – but I’m still Indie Nile, innit?

And I’m well up on all the latest releases, you get me, so when I’m not being the official bad man of the Magpies attack – shut up, yeah – I’m like always reviewing albums an’ ting, you know what I mean bruv? I’m the football Zane Lowe, innit blud.

This week I’ll be looking back on my favourite albums of 2013 so far. Check me now!

Tyler, the Creator – Wolf

Tyler is officially a badman – not a bad man but a badman. Heed the distinction, innit bruv.

I can proper identify with Tyler going solo from Wolfgang – I recently went solo from Newcastle United, and I swear it’s gonna be the making of me.

One thing’s for sure – I’m gonna have to learn to play piano like this brere. He’s written some well sick tunes.

If anything, though, there aren’t enough lyrics about bitches this time – his previous album Goblin had bere rhymes about bitches, but on Wolf I reckon there’s less, you get me?

More bitch lyrics, please!

In saying that, yeah, this album is a joke. I mean ‘joke’ in the new, positive sense of the word, not the old, negative sense.

Yaaaaaa GET ME BLUD?

BLUH! BLUH! BLUH!

There are some fassy tunes on it too though – there’s one about him kissing some yat, one about his relationship with his dad, proper battyboy s**t like that – but on balance I’m well impressed.

Indie Nile says: Four and a Half Wahblows out of Five!

Daft Punk – Random Access Memories

“Get Lucky” is boom ting – it was playing in this club, yeah, and I got lucky.

That’s just too sick for words, bruv.

Good album too, laaahhhhk – it’s got Nile Rodgers on it, which couldn’t be any sicker given that it sounds a bit like my name.

That’s like me playing with Daft Punk, bruv – you get me?

I also like the one with that Italian brere talking over the top of it, yeah. That’s well nang.

Four and a Half Brrrrrrrraps out of FIve!

David Bowie – The Next Day

He may be well old, yeah, but he’s still well good.

Some of dem choons, they take me back to the man’s Bayern Munich period.

Was it Bayern Munich he played for? Or Borussia Dortmund? I can’t remember, bruv.

In conclusion, this is sick.

Indie Nile says: Four and a Half Y’getmebruvs out of Five!

My Bloody Valentine – m b v

I love shoegaze, innit – Ride, Slowdive, Chapterhouse, I’m proper hyped by soaring distortion.

Alan Pardew used to tell me to stop gazing at my shoes during training. I used to just point out that he’s a battyman.

BLUH! BLUH!

This was even longer awaited than Bowie’s album but it well lives up to the expectation – I was born the same year Loveless came out, yeah, but even then I knew it was timeless.

That’s why I ain’t fussed by mans repeating themselves, yeah? If you got game, keep playing that game, you get me?

Indie Nile says: Four and a Half Nangs out of Five!

Disclosure – Settle

This one’s banging. I bang it out when I’m banging.

Can’t bang without it.

Indie Nile says: Four and a Half Bangs out of Five!

Kanye West – Yeezus

I’ve heard some bere weird albums in my time, blud, but this takes the weird biscuit.

Kanye West is one well odd brere but it’s all good – I’ve waited for someone to rap about croissants ever since I became a well rich football guy, and now I’ve got my wish.

Thank you, Kanye – you rap about being bere rich bere better than Jay-Z. I’ve heard Magna Carta… Holy Grail and it’s butters.

Indie Nile says: Four and a Half Liiiiiiiives out of Five!

Catch you next time, yeah?