Yaya Touré birthday cake was “victim of FFP”

£49m fine from UEFA puts paid to life-sized replica gateau of the Etihad.

A Yaya Touré birthday cake needs to be much grander than this
Birthday cake… Insufficient (Image: Roberta F.)

It’s the Yaya Touré birthday cake that’s got a nation in a tizzy, and it appears to have been “a victim of UEFA’s Financial Fair Play Regulations”.

Those were the words of Manchester City, who at the time of going to press were telling all and sundry that the cake presented to the Ivorian midfielder – and there was a cake, check the video – would have been a far grander affair had the club not just been fined £49m for contravening said ruling.

Touré’s agent Dimitri Seluk made headlines yesterday when he piped up with some quotes, presumed guff, about his client’s dissatisfaction at not being presented with seven Bugattis and a weekly supply of “comely lasses of virtue true”.

Or at the very least a big f**k-off cake.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, a spokesperson for City revealed that initial plans for the Yaya Touré birthday cake extended to a life-sized replica of the Etihad in cake form, populated by full-scaled figurines of each season ticket holder.

She said: “Yes, that’s pretty much what we planned.

“But then we were handed the massive fine and all of a sudden it didn’t seem to make much sense to go all ‘My Super Sweet 16th’ for Yaya, sterling as his performances have been.

“So we got a bog-standard cake made at a local bakery. I mean, we don’t want to end up like Rangers, owing paltry amounts to pizza parlours and face paint artists all over town.

“F**k that.”

The Yaya Touré birthday cake was unavailable for comment as cakes don’t talk.