Wolves pull out of Championship, pack bags for Disneyland

Disneyland Castle
Disneyland Castle… This or Hull, basically

Wolverhampton Wanderers CEO Jez Moxey has confirmed that the Midlands club have taken the unusual step of pulling out of this season’s Championship in order to spend the year in Disneyland.

The Midlands club, Wolves, are set to cash in on Steven Fletcher and Matt Jarvis – the star pair lined up for moves to Sunderland and West Ham United respectively – for a windfall expected to be in excess of £20m, a figure which has prompted them to hand in their team shirts and shin pads at Football League HQ along with a handwritten note outlining their intentions to spend the next nine months sipping pina coladas with Donald Duck.

Moxey said: “Following a series of discussions with Stale Solbakken, Wolverhampton Wanderers have decided that it would be in our best interests to spare ourselves a year of hard toil and anguish in England’s second flight in favour of frittering away our transfer proceeds on one truly unforgettable group outing.

“Originally we were going to take the lads to Alton Towers using the money raised from selling Michael Kightly to Stoke City, but the intervention of less-than-frugal Premier League managers has presented us with the unique opportunity to spend this year flirting with Cinderella rather than dragging our asset-stripped jacksies up and down the country so that they may be kicked in twain by some midfield journeyman sensing a semi-famous scalp.

“We would like to thank Steven and Matthew for their contributions to the club, and urge them to keep an eye out for our series of amusing postcards describing the various antics that the Wolves boys get up to in a year’s worth of Disneyland.

“If we can finally convince Everton to part with decent money for Kevin Doyle then we could afford to take a documentary crew with us, perhaps the same one that did the thing about Queens Park Rangers getting taken over by mentalists.

“If we find takers for Stephens Hunt and Ward too then I might even give Spielberg a call.”

He added: “If nothing else the magic of Disneyland might bring a smile to Terry Connor’s face, and that would make it all worthwhile.”