West Ham United could be out for up to six weeks with an array of injuries, it is being reported.
The football club, 120, suffered the problems in training, in matches and in a variety of household accidents.
Following a mass scan on Monday, the Hammers have now begun the rehabilitation which should see them return sometime next month.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, West Ham boss Slaven Bilić admitted that absolutely everyone at the club is currently undergoing treatment, even the tea lady.
He said: “I’m not really sure why we have a tea lady in this day and age, but we’ve got one and she’s got a soft tissue injury.
“Even the fans are getting injured in their thousands. I heard about this one guy who was diagnosed with repetitive stress syndrome from forever blowing bubbles.
“We’ll all be out for at least a month, which is just as well because the stadium’s suffering from a couple of broken stands.
“Now if you don’t mind, I’ve got to arrange some meals on wheels deliveries to Payet, Sakho and Lanzini.”
Prime Minister David Cameron said: “Our hearts of course go out to everyone connected to the Aston Villa Football Club.”