Wenger to spend Arsenal transfer budget on buying every fan a drink

Won't be able to afford full pints unless they all meet up north somewhere.

Glass of Coke
Arsenal fans might have to settle for a Coke (Image: Marcus Couper)

Arsène Wenger has confirmed that he intends to spend the entirety of his Arsenal transfer budget on buying every Gunners fan a drink, it has been shrugged.

The Frenchman, French, has admitted defeat in his pursuit of Liverpool false 9 Luis Suárez and shall now turn his attentions to getting a round in for the club’s estimated 27 million fans worldwide.

It is hoped that the gesture, token, will help foster an air of forgiveness for yesterday’s 3-1 opening day defeat to Aston Villa at the Emirates.

Shrugging exclusively to Football Burp, Wenger admitted that he wouldn’t be able to afford to buy supporters full pints unless they all convened somewhere up north.

He shrugged: “I’ve only got £80 million burning a hole dans ma poche.

“80 divisée par 27 = 2.962 récurrent. Donc, just under three quid to spend on each supporter, which doesn’t get you très loin in London.

“I would suggest meeting up north somewhere but that would entail covering everyone’s travel costs, which is not something I’m prepared to do unless the club sells more flats.

“Alors, you can all have a either a half of something or a pint of Coke.

“That’s the market we’re operating in now.”

When Football Burp put it to Wenger that the Arsenal transfer budget would be best spent on actual footballers, he shrugged and flicked his wrist dismissively.

He said: “People are always telling me that you must speculate to accumulate.

“I don’t buy it.”

Pas de merde, Sherlock.

What would you spend the Arsenal transfer budget on? A midfield general? An orange and passion fruit flavour J2O? Have your say in that comments thing down there…