Wenger Mourinho feud rumbles on tediously as mums get involved

"Did I offer you a cup of tea, by the way? Oh, you're okay? Okay," roars Madame Wenger.

Wenger Mourinho feud
Madame Wenger sings with the town old lady psychedelic rock quintet

It’s the Wenger Mourinho feud that’s boring the nation, and it shows little sign of abating.

The row, puerile, erupted for seemingly no other reason than that football managers like to drop digs at rival counterparts because journalists call it ‘mind games’ and devote inordinate amounts of credit to it even in spite of its motivational properties for opposition sides.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Arsène Wenger’s mum offered Jose Mourinho’s mum out – and she wasn’t talking about a nice bite to eat somewhere.

She blasted: “Arsène tells me that Jose ‘dissed’ me, whatever on Earth that means, so I’m weighing in.

“Senhora Mourinho’s son is such a failure, right, that he can’t even make croque-monsieurs properly, probably.

“Did I offer you a cup of tea, by the way? Oh, you’re okay? Okay.”

She continued: “Why aren’t you talking to Arsène about this? He’d probably have more interesting things to say about this than me.

“I’m happy to say the croque-monsieur thing for you – I did a few quotes for Soccer Belch in the fall-out to Pizzagate, so I’m prepared for the inevitable backlash – but I’m afraid I can’t really offer you much else.

“Except a cup of tea, of course. Would you like one? Oh, you’re okay.


When it was put to Madame Wenger that Football Burp is of insufficient profile to command one-on-one time with the manager of Arsenal, she asked if we’d be okay getting back to England.

She said: “You’ve got coats, haven’t you? I’ve got one or two spares lying around if you’d like to take them, it’s frightfully cold outside.

“I’d offer you a lift to the station but I can’t drive because of my cataracts.”

She added: “Have you spoken to Senhora Mourinho? She’s quite a character.

“I’ve heard she cheats at bridge, though. I’m not so keen on that.”

The Wenger Mourinho feud, folks.