A Wayne Rooney hat-trick in last night’s Champions League qualifier against Club Brugge has plunged social media giant Twitter into hitherto unknown levels of tedium, we can reveal.
The Manchester United striker’s timely treble sparked a frenzy of activity amongst tweeters to be the first to post a photoshopped gif of his face grafted onto the body of some attitudinal dancer or other, preceded by the words “Wayne Rooney be all like”.
Although intended to convey Rooney hitting back at his critics, the race for retweet-strewn virality engulfed Twitter to such a degree that within minutes there was absolutely no other content to be found.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Chad, a political science student from Detroit, described how the Wayne Rooney hat-trick scuppered his chances of finding out which kind of bagel Hillary Clinton enjoyed for breakfast this morning.
He said: “I like to keep abreast of how all the presidential candidates start the day food-wise, but all I could find were images of Mickey [sic] Rooney gyrating at the camera.
“It’s been over twelve hours now since the final whistle blew but if anything the tide of irritating ‘Rooney dancing’ gifs is just getting worse.
“All of my usual news sources are completely unreachable at the moment. I have no idea what’s going on in the world.
“Everyone I know could be dead, and the longer this goes on the more convinced I become that they are.”
Wayne Rooney was unavailable for comment because he be all like etc.