Wales are now better than England at any activity you could care to mention, yesterday’s rugby has confirmed.

Having recently moved ahead of the English football team in the Fifa world rankings, Wales yesterday won a Rugby World Cup clash between the two nations before retiring to the pub and drinking their British counterparts well and truly under the table.

They then emerged victorious in an impromptu game of cricket, triumphed in a competitive Morris dance and rounded off the occasion by serving everyone present a cooked breakfast that all agreed was better than any they’d ever had, owing in no small part to the leeks in the sausages.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, James Bond announced his intention to be Welsh in his next movie.

He said: “It would be nice to have someone with gravitas singing my theme song again, boyo, someone like Shirley Bassey or Tom Jones.

“The thing about that Adele theme for Skyfall is that whenever it comes on it just makes me want to eat crumble.

“I’m sure that Sam Smith’s a lovely lad, but he makes me sound like a bit of a tremulous warble-tron.”