Arsenal sprinter Theo Walcott has taken his ball home in a sulk after yet another kickabout in which no-one let him play up front.
Walcott, a faceless 16-bit player from an old Super Nintendo game, was adamant from behind his locked bedroom door that he would find other kids to play with if they didn’t let him be striker next time.
However, the former Southampton wind-up toy refused to rule out the possibility of him coming downstairs for supper once he has calmed down, especially if there are those smiley faced potato waffles and some Smarties for afters.
Arsene Wenger said: “Theo is being a very silly boy – he’s crossing the halfway line into foolishness, bombing down the wing of self-importance, mis-hitting the passes of professionalism and crossing erratically into the penalty box of signing for Liverpool in January.
“Thinking on, Gervinho is all the vein-popping exasperation I need right now, thank you very much. Adieu, Theodore – fermes la porte sur votre chemin!”
He quipped: “If Francis Jeffers was my fox in the box, I suppose you could say that Theo has been my lapin dans les headlights.”