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Vertonghen cheat sparks Ukraine protests as story writes itself

Something of interest happens in Europa League.

Jan Vertonghen, cheat
Vertonghen… Did a cheat (Image: Paulblank)

A story last night wrote itself when a bad Jan Vertonghen cheat for Tottenham Hotspur against FC Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk coincided loosely with real life Ukraine protests.

The story, self-penned, saw the dauntingly named Ukrainian side’s players go distinctly berserk as the Spurs defender’s fally-downy antics precipitated their exit from the Europa League, which has now been called the Europa League for just long enough for it not to feel weird not calling it the UEFA Cup.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the day Friday reminded us that it’s now it, and therefore we could probably get away with turning in really half-arsed articles like this one.

It said: “Yeah, it’s me now, so take it easy, okay? You’ve already mentioned the Vertonghen cheat.

“No one’s really paying attention, so you’re probably okay to just acknowledge the scene of a Ukrainian football team appealing desperately to the referee to a backdrop of violence and insurrection in their country – just acknowledge that, and then don’t even really bother to flesh it out.

“I mean look, you’re already on 172 words now. How long do these things need to be? 250-300 words or so? Take a break, man.

“It was a lousy premise to start with, anyway.”