Football writers are on strike! That’s the latest fall-out from the Louis van Gaal appointment that’s got everyone talking, and it obviously doesn’t include Football Burp.
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The strike, hastily arranged, was called after specialist football journalists decided to unionise and demand greater pay in exchange for having to deal with van Gaal’s prickly temper next season in addition to that of increasingly grizzled Chelsea boss José Mourinho.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, a source close to the Football Writers Union – one of them, basically – explained that this latest coalition is not to be confused with the entirely different Football Writers Association.
He said: “No no no, they’re the enemy, albeit they also happen to be ourselves.
“Associations don’t strike. Unions strike. This is why we decided to protest the Louis van Gaal appointment by unionising and striking.
“We’re all feeling thoroughly demoralised after a whole season’s worth of Mourinho deciding to answer our every question with a terse ‘no’, and we’ll be damned if we’re dealing with van Gaal as well in 2014-15.
“Honestly, last time I spoke to José I put it to him that he is Portuguese, the manager of Chelsea and his name is José – he refuted all three points.
“I had to miss three works of work through stress after that, so if you want us to be there grilling the Manchester United manager next season then you better show us the money.
“Obviously me telling you this counts as continued coverage on my part, so let’s say no more football reporting starting…from…NOW!
He added: “…”
Stay tuned to Football Burp throughout this summer, because no one else will be writing it. Not in this country, anyway.
You can find out how the Louis van Gaal appointment is going down in Swahili if you like. Just do a spot of googling.