Trump vows to bring back Premier League footballers from China

Describes English football as "great", "so great" and "tremendous".

Donald Trump wants to bring Premier League footballers back from China
TOUGH ON TRADE: Trump (Image: Transition 2017)

President-Elect Donald Trump announced he is forming a new White House International Trade Council that has one goal: to stop the exodus of Premier League footballers to China.

The council has pledged to “make the Premier League great again”, but it’s a tall order – the Premier League has lost Oscar, Papiss Cissé, Graziano Pellè and several others to China in recent months.

Trump campaigned as a businessman who knows how to make global deals, and he has made no secret of his desire to protect the United States’s ‘special relationship’ with Britain.

He has also stated his admiration for the Premier League brand, describing it as “so great”, “tremendous”, “so tremendous” and even on one occasion “so great and tremendous”.

Already, his tweets have pressured Chinese Super League bigwigs to respond to concerns of Western footballers being lost to the emerging superpower.

With Trump reported to be tapping economist and arch China critic Peter Navarro to head up his new trade council, sh*t is anticipated to be very close to hitting the proverbial fan.

According to Football Burp’s stateside pals Soccer Belch, Trump is prepared to “go nuclear” on Beijing unless they return Tim Cahill and that underwater drone they seized.

They said: “At this point in time, it’s still not clear what his position is on Demba Ba.

“The only thing we can say with any certainty is that 2017 is gonna be totally batsh*t crazy.”