TEAM NEWS: Arsenal remain unchanged for 12th consecutive season

Gunners to line up with makeshift defence, undisciplined midfield, mercurial want-away forward and Giroud.

Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger
WILY: Wenger (Image: Jason Clogg)

Arsenal remain unchanged for a twelfth consecutive season, according to team news just received by Football Burp.

The Gunners line up with a struggling goalkeeper, a makeshift defence, an undisciplined midfield, a mercurial want-away forward and Olivier Giroud.

Mesut Özil is once again tasked with the main responsibility of letting down casual fantasy football players, with the occasional fancy flick mixed in.

As the star attraction, Arsène Wenger will provide his inimitably eccentric management for a record-breaking 78th year.

The Frenchman told Football Burp: “I really think it will work this time.

“After all, we’ve already managed to navigate a path away from Bayern Munich and Barcelona by qualifying for the Europa League.

“And we’re no longer burdened by the pressure of having to uphold a record of successive top four finishes.

“Plus we’ve got some exciting young talents still to fulfill their potential, like Jack Wilshere, Aaron Ramsey, Theo Walcott and Per Mertesacker.

“So I can see big things ahead at the Arsenal Stadium Sponsored by Dubai.”

He continued: “I’ve even managed to convince Stan and Ivan to invest in mass-manufactured ‘Wenger out’ placards, so that’s a potential money-spinner.

“What will I lavish the proceeds on? A nice bottle of red, for starters. Maybe an inept central midfielder or two if I’m feeling frivolous.”

For fan reaction, simply shout ‘blud’ out the window until someone replies with ‘fam’.