EXCLUSIVE: Swansea f**ked

Sale of Gylfi Sigurðsson to Everton reduces chances of not being screwed.

This swan represents Swansea City
This swan appeared strangely unconcerned (Image: Piotr Tadeusz)

Swansea are f**ked, we can confirm.

The Swans, Welsh, face an uphill task to secure another season of Premier League football after flogging one of their three good players to Everton.

In the process they may well have upset the other two, who may or may not have also asked to leave by now.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Steve, a Swansea fan from Swansea, remained philosophical.

He said: “Aye, we’re f**ked.

“Gylfi Sigurðsson was one of the only ones who knew how to do goals – goals for himself, goals for other people, that sort of thing.

“Thinking on, the only other one who knows how to do goals has frequently done so with Gylfi’s assistance. Assists, I think they’re called.

“So yes, we’re f**ked to say the least. About as f**ked as an incredibly drunk hooker getting f**ked in the back of a car belonging to some overpaid f**kboy who thought it would be funny as f**k to get a personalised number plate saying ‘F**KMOBILE’.

“All things considered, that’s pretty f**ked.”

When pressed for comment, Swansea City denied being f**ked.

A spokesperson said: “We’re not f**ked.

“Nothing is f**ked.”