Sunderland fan “sighed himself to death”

Latest managerial overhaul proves too much.

Sunderland fans
One of these fans sighed himself to death (Image: Ronnie Macdonald)

A Sunderland supporter has sighed himself fully to death in the wake of his club’s latest managerial overhaul, his wife has confirmed.


Alan Croker, a butcher from Wearside, is reported to have tutted his own tongue in twain when news broke yesterday of Gus Poyet’s sacking.

He then rolled his eyeballs clean out of his head in response to the apparently hasty appointment of Dick Advocaat, a man with precisely zilch Premier League experience, as Poyet’s replacement.

Finally he took such a sizeable and despairing intake of breath that he cracked every single one of his ribs and almost immediately died of multiple organ failure.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Mrs Croker explained how her late husband’s unusual demise had been on the cards for at least the last three managers.

She said: “If I hadn’t been on hand with a diversionary bottle of brandy at the time, he’d probably have groaned himself into oblivion when Paolo Di Canio replaced Martin O’Neill.

“When O’Neill replaced Bruce, he’d have wheezed all of us into next week if I hadn’t been there to distract him with Quinn & Phillips hand puppets telling him everything was going to be okay.

“Which of course it wasn’t in the end, silly sod. He should have listened to the doctor and washed his hands of Sunderland the moment things turned sour under Roy Keane.”