Sunderland begin search for next three managers

"It's going to take me ages to sack everyone," laments owner Ellis Short.

Outgoing Sunderland manager Paolo Di Canio
Di Canio? Di Couldn’tio, more like (Image: East Ham Bull)

Sunderland will now begin the search for their next three managers following the sacking of Paolo Di Canio.

The fascist, Italian, was dismissed from the Stadium of Light hot seat on the back of a disastrous start to the season that sees the Black Cats rooted to the foot of the table, rooted like dogs I say.

With Di Canio having left behind a slew of new signings and arbitrarily appointed Italians, Sunderland owner Ellis Short has vowed to deploy more foresight by lining up not just a successor but also a successor to Di Canio’s successor.

In a nod to the club’s proud tradition of managerial turnover, Short also confirmed that he is on the lookout for a successor to Di Canio’s successor’s successor.

He said: “Paolo’s left such a mess behind – I went in this morning and there were Italians just standing around everywhere, shrugging. It’s going to take me ages to sack them all.

“I’m absolutely certain that Martin O’Neill’s coaching staff are still here picking up a wage in various guises.

“One or two of those dinner ladies have got unmistakably masculine features, and I’m sure I caught one of them laying out some cones the other day.

“I’ve got my eye on them.”

He continued: “But yeah, we’ll probably get someone like Roberto Di Matteo in, ostensibly to keep us up but mainly to help us negotiate with all those lingering Italians.

“We’ll sack Roberto in, say, March following a run of, say, one win in ten games – then we’ll ask Peter Reid to come back as a sort of ‘back to basics’ approach that everyone deep down will know is destined for failure.

“After that, who know? Maybe David Moyes?