Gordon Strachan has hailed Thomas Müller as a “magnificent machine” and a “total bawbag” after the Germany forward’s match-winning double in last night’s Euro 2016 qualifier.
The Scotland manager, orange, at least in terms of complexion if not political affiliation, accepted that his side simply had no answer to Müller’s clinical finishing, methodical fouling and virtuoso play-acting.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Strachan outlined his admiration for a formidable opponent.
He said: “When you’re dealing with an unstoppable football machine like Müller, you’re going to have a problem.
“Most countries in the world don’t have someone like that, someone who’s 9 foot 6 and can head the ball into the sun from a standing position – you just don’t see it very often.
“And what an absolute bawbag he is too. What I’d give to have someone on my team who was that much of a bawbag.
“I mean, Stevie Naismith mouths off at the referee here and there, but I’m sorry to say he’s actually a really nice lad off the pitch.
“Don’t get me wrong, Stephen Fletcher is a bit of a wrong ‘un, but nowhere near as systematically or constructively as Müller is.
“That bit where he picked up Shaun Maloney, twirled him around and then flung him off into the upper reaches of a nearby tree – that was simply magnificent.”
At the time of going to press, Maloney was still dangling from a high branch by the back of his pants.