When Steven Gerrard cries, the world cries – so when the Liverpool captain blubbed at a video of himself crying following the 3-2 victory over Manchester City, everything went bananas.
The Gerrard, Steven, had his tearful tableau beamed around the universe as his long quest for a Premier League title winner’s medal drew ever so tantalisingly closer with a result that’s already being spoken of in hushed, reverential tones.
Upon watching a replay of his moist-eyed huddle-drilling, the England midfielder wept with such ferocity that his tears formed a river that washed away all that sand from the Sahara desert.
You know, from when it challenged Joey Barton to a hot air contest the other week.
Liverpool are now two points clear of Chelsea at the top of the table, which for any noobs reading is not so much an actual, literal table as it is a sort of chart.
Yes, think of it as being like the football charts. Except numbers 18, 19 and 20 aren’t embroiled in any kind of ‘drop zone’ or ‘scrap’.
And congratulations on choosing to support Liverpool – you must be looking forward to watching many cup finals on telly over the next twenty years or so.
Maybe Gerrard will shed a manly tear or two from the stands as Liverpool romp to success in the 2034 Champions League thanks to a dramatic hat-trick from his daughter.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Reds boss Brendan Rodgers repeatedly emphasised how pleased he was with Gerrard’s “geem” and how he felt he had been a big influence in “the Mun Ciddy geem”.
He grumbled: “Youse lot in the meeja have taken an awful reddener what with me and the group doing so well and awl.
“I mean, you took the bloody piss out of me an awl, and you mocked my acting an awl, so youse can awl kiss my ringpiece.
“Gae arn, gi’ it a quick peck.”
Steven Gerrard refused to talk to us. Steven Gerrard cries? Steven Gerrard cries off, more like. Tch.