Steve McClaren turns down chance to become laughing stock

"Manage Newcastle for three games? I wouldn't touch them with yours," says former England manager.

Steve McClaren
DUTCH: McClaren (Image: Thomas Rodenbücher)

Steve McClaren has rejected the opportunity to resume laughing stock duties after waving away overtures from perennial exploding clown car Newcastle United, it has been confirmed.

The Derby County manager, Dutch, has decided to remain at Pride Park where he is generally considered to be doing kind of an okay job, rather than take up the reins of English football’s most irreversibly poisoned chalice.

McClaren was of course a renowned laughing stock as England manager, a reputation that was redoubled when a shock video of him emerged attempting some kind of Geordie accent.

He also memorably led Middlesbrough to a UEFA Cup final off the back of a string of astonishing fightbacks against sides who couldn’t stave off wave after wave of Massimo Maccarone.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Steve McClaren thanked us for not mentioning his disastrous stint at Nottingham Forest.

He said: “I made Stuart Pearce look like Brian Clough. It was rough, I tell yer.

“But manage Newcastle for the last three games of the season? Are they taking the chuffing piss?

“I wouldn’t touch them with yours, sunshine.”

Joe Kinnear was unfortunately unavailable for comment.