The reports, puzzling, indicate that Spurs supremo Daniel Levy not only fancies the idea of resuscitating a set-up that has never worked for any English team, ever, but that he believes Tim Sherwood to be the ideal man to potter about upstairs generally undermining the manager’s authority and confusing all and sundry as to what he actually does.
As an hilarious added extra, Levy is set to overlook the decade-spanning credentials of David Moyes in favour of a chap who didn’t even last a season at Chelsea, although he is young and Portuguese and therefore appealing to the chronically delusional.
Gareth Bale said: “So we sack our most successful Premier League manager and we’re set to replace him with a guy who couldn’t even mould the eventual Champions League winners into a functioning unit?
“Hmmm. What’s Spanish for ‘get the Spanish phrasebook out, we’re off to Spain’?”
Luka Modric said: “Have you heard the B-sides to ‘Wonderwall’? They’re mega.”
Meanwhile, Moyes has reaffirmed his loyalty to Everton for as long as they’re willing to sweep the rug from under his hard work each summer and not sack him when they lose every game in August and September.
He said: “I have a great working relationship with Bill Kenwright – I come to him with the name of a player, he shakes his head and rambles on about how Dave Hickson once scored a diving header after speed-burrowing from one end of the pitch to the other like Bugs Bunny.
“We understand each other.”