SPL clubs gather around Dundee and Dunfermline Athletic chanting “PLAY-OFF!”

Dundee… Received the call at this very kiosk (Img: Nicholas Mutton)
SPL clubs were this morning gathering around Dundee and Dunfermline Athletic clapping their hands and chanting “PLAY-OFF! PLAY-OFF!”

The clubs, Scottish, had unanimously bar Dundee United agreed to invite Dundee to be the new Rangers, the Dee having finished second in last year’s Division One – some 24 points behind champions Ross County – and Jim Jefferies’ Pars having finished as the SPL’s highest placed relegated side.

However, as soon as someone raised the possibility of staging a specially arranged play-off match, everyone present took a sharp intake of breath before sprinting out of the room bellowing “PLAY-OFF! PLAAAYYY-OOOOFFFFFFFFFFF!” like a proper loony.

One interested onlooker said: “This is going to be epic: a one-off, winner-takes-all, victor-gets-to-be-Celtic’s-new-rivals fight to the death.

“It’s so sad Rangers can’t be here to see this.”

Meanwhile, Club 12 have offered a one-year extension to Player X.

Player X quipped: “I don’t think I could manage with it like that for twelve whole months!”