Uefa has described the Scotland Euro 2020 bid as “just noise” amidst concerns that they can’t understand a single word the bid committee is saying.
The organisation, European, made hopeful grasps for a non-existent phrase book as their croissants and freshly squeezed orange juices were peppered with Tennent’s-infused saliva by a series of increasingly aggressive-sounding Scots.
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Aware that they may be in some form of danger, the stuffed suits tried to defuse the situation by praising Glasgow’s transport links, hotel accommodation and curry houses.
They then spent thirty to forty minutes explaining that they’d love to go to St Andrews one day because they really love golf.
Unfortunately proceedings took a turn for the sour when an unwitting Uefa executive asked the Scottish delegation to “give our regards to all the folks back in England”.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, a battered and bruised Uefa executive remained philosophical.
He said: “What did I do? Was it something I said?
“Maybe I did an offensive hand gesture or insulted one of their mothers by accident.
“They kept pointing to Glasgow on a map and huffing something that sounded like ‘common wealth’. I think they might have been trying to explain that they’re poor.
“They also kept blathering on about something called ‘unduhpairndunce’. Is that a town or something?”
The Scotland Euro 2020 bid committee was available for comment but ultimately in vain.