Sir Alex Ferguson book heavily criticised in Sir Alex Ferguson book

"The hardest part of that book's body is its tongue. It has the most savage binding you can imagine."

The Ferguson book had to be separated from Les Mis following this heated exchange (Image: Ryan Franklin)

Sir Alex Ferguson’s perfunctorily titled new book Sir Alex Ferguson Book #483 has been heavily criticised in forthcoming Sir Alex Ferguson book Sir Alex Ferguson Book #484.

The Sir Alex Ferguson book, candid, pulls no punches in terms of bean-spilling, tipping leguminous seeds all over subjects ranging from Roy Keane to Roy Keane’s tongue.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Sir Alex Ferguson Book #484 tore into its predecessor, labelling as “a mistake” its decision to make the account autobiographical.

It said: “Once you made it personal, you had no chance.

“The hardest part of that book’s body is its spine. It has the most savage binding you can imagine.

“It can debilitate the most confident person in the world in seconds, even more so than the flying football boot that tore a pound of flesh from ‘neath David Beckham’s eye.

“What I noticed from reading it was that its eyes would narrow into these wee black beads, which is just terrifying.

“Books shouldn’t have eyes.”

When asked to comment on its successor Sir Alex Ferguson Book #485, Sir Alex Ferguson Book #484 was typically forthright.

It said: “I couldn’t believe the start it was given either.

“I mean, what the f**k was that foreword from Mark Bosnich all about?

“I find it very hard to believe that that’s just how the balls came out of the bag.”

It added: “Bawbags.”

Then had a wee dram or two and punched Jon Snow in the teeth.