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Shane Long’s agent “even more wanted than Shane Long”

Southampton forward has been linked with moves to Liverpool, Spurs, Brazil 1970 and Harlem Globetrotters.

Shane Long, client of Shane's Long agent
BASICALLY PELE: Long (Image: Michael Kranewitter)

Shane Long’s agent is now even more sought after than his client, it has been confirmed.

The Southampton forward has been linked with moves to Liverpool, Spurs, Everton, Brazil 1970 and Harlem Globetrotters after catching the eye with a few goals recently.

While Long’s record this season of 5 goals in 13 Premier League games has been hailed as “pretty reasonable”, his agent is being widely credited as “perhaps the greatest genius in history, except of course for Seth Johnson’s agent”.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Shane Long’s agent admitted that he’s been approached by 95 per cent of all footballers on Earth this past week.

He said: “It’s got to the stage now where it would be much quicker just to tell you the names of the players who don’t want me representing them.

“Not all my clients are human, either. One of them’s a two-year-old cocker spaniel called Friedrich, and he’s currently the subject of a £20m offer from Juventus.

“Never underestimate the power of good PR. For instance, I could tell you that this ballpoint pen I’m holding is potentially the greatest footballer who ever lived.

“See, I’ve only just said that and the phone’s ringing already. It’s insane.”

At the time of going to press, Shane Long had just been cast in place of Tom Cruise in the next Mission Impossible movie.