Fifa president Sepp Blatter is still on the loose having evaded arrest during a police raid on the luxury Baur au Lac hotel overlooking Lake Zurich on Wednesday morning.
The Baur au Lac, absolutely spelt that way, was found by police to be full of corrupt Fifa officials after a pack of special bribe-sniffing dogs broke free and boarded a plane to Switzerland just to get a good whiff of it from up close.
Although seven officials were arrested, Blatter managed to escape by bribing hotel staff to conceal him in a trolley full of dirty laundry.
He is now thought to be locked away in his ivory tower plotting Friday’s inevitable presidential election win over Barry Chuckle.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Sepp Blatter offered us a not inconsiderable sum of money to keep our mouths shut.
He said: “No, don’t put that, for crying out loud.
“Oh, that’s just swell. Now I just look like Corrupty McCorrupterson from Corruptville USA, if there is such a place.
“You just wait until Friday when I sweep back into office for a fifth four-year term as Fifa president at the expense of Chuka Umunna and the bassist out of Shed 7.
“Then you’ll be sorry.”
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