José Mourinho has called for all football matches to be scrapped and the various trophies on offer to be awarded to Manchester United.
The Red Devils boss was musing on a potentially crowded upcoming fixture list when he hit upon his revolutionary new idea.
He said: “It’s total bulls*** that we have to play so many matches to win all the trophies.
“Why can’t they save everyone all the bother and just give us the trophies we probably deserve after just one FA Cup win in three years?
“Thinking on, that’s a belting idea – we could all take an early holiday, it would do wonders for our stress levels after all.
“Would you rather be sunning yourself in Gran Canaria or having to report on some dirge of a two-legged Europa League tie against Spartak bloody Prussia or what have you?
“I think I know your answer, and so I am calling for a total and immediate ban on all fixtures.
“No lavish awards dos needed either, just drop the trophies off at Old Trafford one morning this week.”