Roy Keane hypocrisy inspires new Alanis Morissette album

Everton should hold Ireland qualifiers in higher esteem, says man who walked out on them on eve of 2002 World Cup.

Alanis Morissette, creative user of Roy Keane hypocrisy
EXHILARATED: Alanis (Image: SirLuetzow)

The new Alanis Morissette album will take the form of an epic rock opera detailing the hypocrisy of Roy Keane, it has been announced.

Keane, unhinged, was this morning quoted here, there and everywhere criticising Everton manager Roberto Martínez for his perceived reluctance to release Séamus Coleman and James McCarthy for Republic of Ireland duty.

This is the same Roy Keane who of course walked out on Mick McCarthy’s Republic of Ireland on the eve of the 2002 World Cup.

The former Manchester United midfielder’s stinging broadside did not go unnoticed by keen Premier League fan Morissette, who in 1995 scored a big fat hit with a song called “Ironic” which famously, and quite ironically, included little to no ironic content within its lyrics.

It’s an overarching irony that in time has come to make fools of us all, but its perpetrator knows she couldn’t get away with the same trick twice.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Morissette revealed she was so moved by the Roy Keane hypocrisy that she picked up an acoustic guitar involuntarily and started shedding songs like the monster in Cloverfield shed those mad spider-crab parasite things.

She said: “Yes it was just like that, just like Cloverfield.

“I read what Roy had to say about Roberto and all I could think was, ‘Er, hello – Saipan mean anything to you, Roy?’

“My manager said to me, ‘Isn’t that ironic?’ and I said, ‘No, it’s hypocritical, but it’s still inspiring me creatively.

“It’s going to be a rock opera concept album type thing, like The Who’s Tommy but less about a deaf, dumb and blind kid and more about a mad beardy Irishman.

“I’ve not felt this exhilarated since I got to play God in the Kevin Smith movie Dogma, a role which Roy had apparently always seen himself in.”