Ross Barkley is now almost certainly the future, it has been proclaimed in hushed, reverential tones within secret circles.
The Everton midfielder, present, is tipped for a bright future with club and country during which time a fabled past shall also be accumulated, bagging him an incredible Gland Slam of tenses.
Last night’s 3-1 win at home to QPR saw Barkley score a contender for Deflected Goal of the Season on his way to being named as man of the match by whoever it was on the telly.
News of a Barkley-tinged future has travelled fast – the hash tag #RossBarkleyIsDefoTheFutureLad trended on Twitter within nanoseconds of his powerful drive deflecting in off a Chilean opponent.
Kevin Mirallas then added a stunning second when his inch-perfect free kick bounced into the other side of the goal off a Chilean opponent.
Steven Naismith then added an astonishing third when his header cannoned in off a number of QPR players in addition to one or two spectators.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Liverpool starlet Raheem Sterling remained philosophical upon losing his Future of England championship belt to a cross-city rival.
He said: “I’ve been a bit tired lately from all the shaking I’ve been doing to try and rid myself of my bad boy image.
“Those things are hard to shake, so I’ve had to do an awful lot of shaking. Of course it’s going to impact on performances, that’s inevitable.
“I’d just like to put my own personal disappointment aside and congratulate Ross on being Future of England world champion this week.”
Next week: Jack Colback.