When Roy Hodgson makes Wayne Rooney England captain, he does so with the backing of a nation that understands all too well the importance of having a permanent international skipper.

Er, it has been confirmed.

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After all, if we learned anything from Steven Gerrard’s spell as captain, anything at all, it’s that you can’t put a price on having one player as a designated leader to be shoehorned into the side at all times, regardless of form.

It has emerged.

Because, you know, media commitments are an irrefutably important part of the modern game – and if anything wins you World Cups, it’s media commitments.

And sponsorship deals. Don’t forget those sponsors. Gotta keep them happy with some kind of marketable national figurehead that they can recognise and therefore understand.

According to latest reports and that.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Hodgson put it to us that he detected a hint of sarcasm in our reporting of the Wayne Rooney England captain appointment.

He said: “Frankly, I don’t much care for the tone of your editorial.

“It seems to have a positive spin on the surface, but the deeper I delve into it the more it becomes apparent to me that there’s some kind of acerbic subtext to it all.

“Are you somehow suggesting that it’s not a good idea to award the captain’s armband on a long-term, non-meritocratic basis and then make a whacking great song and dance about it?

“I’ll knock you out, you f***ing c**t.”

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