Brendan Rodgers was left fuming, literally, when his Liverpool side went down 61%-39% to Everton in the philosophy derby.
The Reds boss, cartilaginous, refused to entertain the notion of their emphatic 4-0 win being anything other than an embarrassing disaster.
Conversely, Toffees chief – is that an acceptable synonym for ‘manager’? – Roberto Martínez was chuffed as botones with his team’s dominant display.
He said: “It was an incredible, incredible performance, if not an incredible, incredible result.
“To come here in the philosophy derby and play like that, I just think it’s an incredible, incredible night for the club.”
Rodgers confirmed that his players had been ordered to report early at the club’s Melwood training ground for extra passing practice.
He grunted: “To come here in the philosophy derby and play like that, I just thought it was an absolute disgrace.
“We were absolutely clinical on the break, picking them off at will we were, but apart from that I can’t see any positives.
“I’m just really very angry and upset about the whole thing. I’ve told the group how I feel, got the envelopes out and everything, but the only way they can make it up to me is by passing the bejeebers out of West Brom on Sunday.
“And if that Suárez doesn’t resume racking up hat-tricks then I’ll **** him off to Tranmere an arl.”