“Refreshed” Moyes ready to resume ageing process

Former Everton and Man Utd boss eager to return to temporarily stalled accumulation of wrinkles.

David Moyes must miss weather like this
WHY DOES IT ALWAYS RAIN ON ME? Moyes (Image: BohemianFC)

A tanned and relaxed David Moyes says he’s ready to get back to ageing rapidly following his dismissal as manager of La Liga side Real Sociedad.

The Scotsman was sent packing from his San Sebastián paradise after a poor start to the season culminating in defeat to Las Palmas, and he has immediately been linked with any number of posts in grimy, industrial northern towns where the closest he’ll come to fresh seafood is a box of fish fingers that’s been left in a puddle overnight.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Moyes spoke of his eagerness to resume his temporarily halted ageing process.

He said: “In over a decade at Preston North End, Everton and Manchester United, I accumulated a collection of wrinkles that was the envy of beleaguered managers nationwide.

“The magnificent web of stress lines adorning my face didn’t come easy, so it’s high time I got back to accelerated weathering in somewhere like Bolton or Blackburn.

“I could probably even get the Sunderland job if I wait a few weeks.”