Raheem Sterling tired? Come off it, he’s a 19-year-old footballer for crying out loud, not a stressed-out nurse at an understaffed NHS ward.
That’s the opinion of people on Twitter, who this morning were taking to the social networking site in their droves to condemn the sleepy-headed Liverpool starlet as well as Roy Hodgson.
The England manager incurred murmurings of incredulity when he revealed that Sterling had approached him in training with a note asking to be excused from yesterday’s Euro 2016 qualifier in Estonia.
Citing the draining physical effects of simultaneously playing for Liverpool and shaking off his bad boy image, the note was penned by the player’s mother and sealed in an envelope from Brendan Rodgers’s own personal stash.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Hodgson whipped the note out of his pocket, cleared his throat and read the damn thing aloud.
He said: “‘Dear Mr Hodgson,
“‘Please excuse Raheem from games today – he’s all tuckered out from running around on Steven Gerrard’s behalf and rooming with Mario Balotelli on away trips.
“‘Mario keeps waking him up in the middle of the night with his constant strapping of nuns to jet packs and firing them out of windows.
“‘Shaking his bad boy image also really took it out of Raheem – all that oscillating and convulsing, it’s more befitting of a wet dog than a 19-year-old boy.
“‘We would appreciate it if you’d refrain from mentioning this request to the media, lest we all find ourselves waist-deep in negative publicity.
“‘With any luck, this won’t require the intervention of eminent pundits on Twitter and we can all get on with a quiet life.
“‘Yours sincerely, Mrs Sterling.'”
He added: “Oops.”
Raheem Sterling tired? You’re darn tootin’.