Pulis to Villas-Boas: Where the f**k do I begin with that s**t?

Pulis...Don't tread on me (Image credit: Vincent Teeuwen)

Stoke City manager Tony Pulis has reacted sarcastically to criticisms made by Chelsea boss Andre Villas-Boas concerning his Potters side’s robust style of play.

After the two teams played out a goalless opening day draw at the Britannia Stadium on Sunday, the newly-installed Portuguese guy told reporters that he thought the amount of pushing and grabbing by Stoke’s players was “out of this world”.

Speaking to Football Burp, Pulis thanked Villas-Boas for his kind words and said with faux modesty that they’d been practising at it.

Rubbing one foot behind the other in the manner of a bashful little girl, Pulis said: “Aw, shucks. It’s really nice of Andre to say that.

“I mean, when you take into account what a great job he’s done of training John Terry to cling onto Kenwyne Jones’ shirt as if it was the only thing preventing him from floating off into the sky with his ego acting as a thermal airship – not to mention using his elbow like a f***ing light sabre – it really is high praise indeed.

“And, with the London Olympics so close at hand, it’s great to see Fernando Torres going out of his way to remind us all that diving has been an integral part of the Games since 1904, especially when you take into account that his home nation is still yet to win any kind of medal in this category. What a jolly good sport.

“I’d like to commend Torres, Terry and Frank Lampard for just about managing to restrain themselves from tying Mark Halsey to a totem pole and dancing around him as the rising flames slowly liquefied his whistle.

“Andre suggested that referees need to keep a closer watch on my players but I’m sure he’ll be full of praise for Swansea City after they stick eight goals past them in front of a large gathering of angry nutters and semi-disinterested city boys who’ve never even heard of Mark Stein or Eddie Newton.”

He added: “Dick.”