Premier League Return to Form Delights Fans, Spawns Wacky Idea

Bobby Zamora scored Fulham's winner against Arsenal
Zamora... Did a goal (Image courtesy of Nick)

Supporters have hailed the return to form of Premier League football following a protracted spell of tediously predictable fare.

Recent wins for Blackburn Rovers and Aston Villa at the grounds of Manchester United and Chelsea respectively – only for each side to follow their triumph with a home defeat to rather less exalted opposition – showed signs that the English top flight is regaining the competitive streak for which it was renowned.

With the last two nights seeing Manchester City and Arsenal fall to last-gasp defeats at the hands of Sunderland and Fulham, fans up and down the country roared their renewed approval of a division which for the first half of the season had appeared to be something of a busted flush.

Bill Pepitone, a West Bromwich Albion fan from Rowley Regis, said: “I’ve been really impressed by the Premier League over the last week or so, and if it carries on like this then it could well reclaim a starting place in my priorities.

“The last few months had seen it slip down the pecking order in favour of the workmanlike IKEA trip and the talismanic spending time with the kids, but an on-fire Premier League would walk into most people’s weekend pursuits, no question.

“If we manage to get something at Spurs tonight then I might even start drinking Stella and following Opta Joe on Twitter again.”

Frank Delaware, an Everton fan from Crosby, said: “It’s great to see the Premier League showing signs of life again because, let’s face it, it looked finished.

“Managers bang on about how there are too many fixtures but if this hectic festive period has proved one thing, it’s that there aren’t nearly enough.

“The incessant matches and bleak weather conditions appear to act as a leveller, bridging the gap between mediocre also-rans and their flamboyantly flush counterparts, so perhaps the FA should think about cramming the entire season into a period between, say, October and March.

“Our stress and alcohol levels would then be concentrated into a six-month period rather than spread out over nine, meaning we could spend half the year rehabilitating and doing the things we’ve always wanted to do but never had time for, like tap dancing classes, learning Dutch or joining a bassoon ensemble.

“We’d learn more, live longer and eventually, just maybe, learn how to all get along with each other. It could be the very saviour of civilisation itself.”

He added: “The red s***e across the park wouldn’t stand for it, no doubt. ****s.”