Portsmouth have to play in pants and vest this season

Fratton Park
Fratton Park… Not pictured: vultures circling
Portsmouth will have to play in their pants and vests this season as further punishment for doing bad money things.

As Pompey prepare for life in League One on minus ten points and with just eight senior players still on the books, all of whom need to be taken off the wage bill as a matter of urgency, this latest blow is sure to leave the 2008 FA Cup winners fuming at how sick as a parrot this latest setback has left them in the wake of this kick in the teeth.

In addition to this latest knife in the face, a spokesman for the Fratton Park bunch confirmed that any new players they do manage to find will also be asked to take care of hospitality, half-time entertainment and general day-to-day admin on top of their nominal role of getting relegated to League Two.

When asked if this daunting workload might be warding off potential signings, manager Michael Appleton said: “It’s certainly not helping.

“The trialists have done well though, to be fair – Jon Harley has a good speaking manner on the phone, Luke Rogers makes a blinding chilli con carne and Moustapha Dumbuya has got a really keen eye for choreography.

“If there are any right-backs out there who have their own mini-van and/or tumbledryer then please Facebook me immediately.”

Kanu said: “I’m looking forward to finally getting to have a nice lie down.

“I do get so very tired these days.”