Phil Scolari quits as Brazil manager in the wake of a disastrous World Cup campaign, leaving behind him quite the rebuilding job – quite a time, then, for a couple of unlikely candidates to enter the frame.

Bookies were sent into overdrive yesterday when William Hague and Baroness Butler-Sloss stepped down from their respective roles as foreign secretary and head of a probe into child sex abuse, the timing of it all serving as clear evidence that they’ve each got their eye on the Brazil job.

Whether or not Scolari shall be considered for either of the duo’s vacated positions remains unclear at this point, although he has been tentatively pencilled in for the Queens Park Rangers job in three managers’ time.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Hague was barely coherent on account of being “the lion’s share of the way through” his daily intake of fourteen pints.

He said: “Brazil manager sounds good. I wouldn’t have to go knocking on doors, would I?

“No, I didn’t think so. It’s quite different to being foreign secretary, isn’t it? All that confusing dialogue with MI6 and various Commonwealth Nations.

“I’d love the Brazil job, of course – every Rotherham lad grows up dreaming of managing Brazil – but if they appoint the Baroness instead then I’ll settle for being Leader of the House of Commons.

“You get a capitalised title with Leader of the House of Commons, and you just don’t get that with foreign secretary.

“Brazil manager is halfway there.”

He added: “You don’t think it’s a bit too obvious, do you? Quitting when Phil Scolari quits? A bit like when Mark Hughes left Fulham as soon as the Aston Villa job became available.

“He didn’t get it in the end. Bugger. Hope I haven’t knackered my chances.

“Now back to my fourteen pints.”

Baroness Butler-Sloss was unavailable for comment as she is holidaying in Ibiza.