It’s the Alan Pardew headbutt that’s been gripping the nation, and it’s been fined a month’s wages for shoving the Alan Pardew Match of the Day rape comment in what is already being described as “a touchline incident”.
The incident, amusing yet not to be condoned, took place during the weekend’s clash between Things Pardew Did FC and a Classic Pardew Quotes XI.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the Pardew headbutt apologised profusely and pleaded not to be banned for anything more than three or four games.
He said: “I mean come on, the Alan Pardew Match of the Day rape comment was clearly asking for it.
“He went straight through Ched Evans and you can’t be having that, to be fair – so, you know, I nutted him.
“And how did the Alan Pardew Wenger altercation get away with that challenge on the Alan Pardew Pellegrini insult?
“That was outrageous, that was. Completely raped him.”
He added: “Oops.”
Speaking exclusively to Soccer Belch, Football Burp remained philosophical.
They said: “At the end of the day, it’s really great that Newcastle United have loads of French players and their manager’s name is Pardew, which sounds a bit like ‘perdu’, the French word for ‘lost’.
“He’ll be perdu, alright, for at least ten games.