Owen in no rush to designate rejecting party

Michael Owen
Owen… Ready for inaction (Img: Michael Kjaer)
Former England striker Michael Owen says he will not be rushed into making a decision over which team to be rejected by later this week.

The as-yet-undecided club, preferably based in the north west, will by now have been the recipients of a phone call from Owen’s representatives asking if they’ve had the chance to mull over their offer of the ex-Manchester United star’s services in exchange for just three million pounds per annum.

According to Football Burp sources, at least a dozen Premier League clubs – and some Championship ones – were this morning laughing themselves all kinds of silly over a recorded message left on behalf of the one-time Liverpool forward.

The message, recorded, said: “Congratulations, you have won…”

“…the once in a lifetime opportunity to claim your very own former England striker! Four previous owners – some wear and tear left over from the first but used sparingly by the other three.

“Requires constant upkeep but comes with access to stables of horses which can be mined for ligament, cartilage and if necessary whole body parts.”

The message continued: “Although well-used, the England international has mental strength, goalscoring prowess and a strong brand name. Some pace missing but this can be remedied by replacing legs with those of a horse (there are currently no laws against fielding centaur footballers).

“Looks well dapper in a suit – great ornamental value.”

It added: “Three million. A year.”

Owen said: “A lot of things happen late in the window when people are refreshing their squads.

“Everyone wants to sign me at the moment, absolutely everyone. My call-back list is like a who’s who of world football.

“I thought perhaps my casual aloofness might have offended one of the Serie A giants when I turned round in bed this morning and found myself eye to eye with a horse.

“Molly must have been having nightmares.”

He added: “Three million. A YEAR.”