“Outrageous not to put flowers on footballers,” roars livid Theresa May

PM rages at Leader of the Opposition's lack of perspective.

Theresa May wants these poppies on footballers
NOT EVEN REAL: Flowers (Image: Andrew Dunn)

Theresa May has described as “outrageous” Fifa’s refusal to allow footballers to be decorated with flowers.

The PM’s bizarre rant came at Prime Minister’s Questions earlier today when she was asked about deaths caused by benefits sanctions.

Roaring back across the despatch box, a visibly fulminating May gave the Leader of the Opposition a piece of her mind.

She said: “I’ll tell you what I find outrageous, and that’s Fifa saying we can’t put flowers on footballers.

“These Johnny Foreigners think they can tell us what we can and can’t do, well, I say to them this: Brexit means Brexit.

“How are we supposed to adequately express our respect for the dead if we can’t decorate footballers with flowers?

“Given the circumstances, I find it astounding that you’re standing here telling me to give a spit-shined toss about dirty scroungers succumbing to the awesome fairness of our system.

“I’ve heard you bantering with Bercow about the Woolwich Arsenal. Don’t you care about putting flowers on them?

“Instead you have the gall to ask me to consider some ex-serviceman or other who died after having his benefits stopped.

“Was he skewering a Kraut – sorry, drone-striking a Muslim – when he drew his last breath? No, he wasn’t, so who cares?

“And all the while, Fifa want to stop us sticking flowers on footballers. Where’s your sense of perspective, man?

“Shame on you.”

Iain Duncan Smith was unavailable for comment.