One billion pounds will be paraded through the streets of Manchester today in celebration of yesterday’s historic Premier League title win.
The sum of money sent shockwaves through the world of football by pipping a lesser investment to top spot courtesy of Sergio Aguero’s 407th minute winner against ten-man Queens Park Rangers.
To mark this momentous achievement, the money will be held together by a specially made stainless steel clip, tied to the back of an open top bus with string and slowly dragged through the streets while ordinary folk gasp and pose for pictures with it.
Sheikh Mansour, owner and proprietor of the money, said: “With the City of Manchester Stadium packed to the rafters, thousands of fans of one billion pounds are expected to line the official route of the open-top bus journey from the city centre to Eastlands.
“Following the open top bus tour, the one billion pounds will be joined by Liam Gallagher, Nick Summerbee and Kiki Musampa to create a memorable evening, finishing with a dramatic firework display.
“Naturally I will not be there myself but I spoke to the money yesterday and told it how very proud I am that it was able to supercede the two hundred million pounds or so from down the road.
“The money said ‘awww!’ in a cartoony high-pitched voice and then called me ‘daddy’ in Spanish. It’s moments like this that make being unimaginably wealthy worthwhile.”
A fully grown adult male wearing a sky blue cape and frizzy wig ensemble said: “I can’t believe it. I’ve been following one billion pounds since it was called Manchester City and played in the old Second Division.
“I was there for the 1999 play-off final against Gillingham and if you’d told me then that in thirteen years our side would be an all-conquering wad of Monopoly money, well I’d have said, ‘Wuh?’
“It’s like a fairy tale, it really is.”