‘Noob’ football fans creep out of woodwork worldwide

World Cup tradition upheld as millions 'fake it'.

This noob thought that old guy was amazing for Holland (Image: Georges Seguin)

Millions of ‘noob’ football fans from around the world have begun the ceremonial creeping out of the woodwork that accompanies each and every World Cup.

The custom, traditional, involves such woodwork-vacating exploits as posting about the World Cup on Facebook, attempting to join in with conversations about it, hanging a national flag out the window and appreciating the wider cultural aspects of the tournament as much as the football itself, perhaps even more so.

According to a source, people who usually pass around links titled “This video of an anteater humping a motorcycle will change your life” will now expect to be taken seriously when they chime in with trite observations about players’ hairdos and the like.

Our source prattled: “Interestingly, noobs deny noobdom – or, as I like to call it, noobity.

“They steadfastly maintain that they’ve liked football for years, despite all evidence to the contrary.

“How you test them, see, is by asking them who Francis Benali is. The way I see it, if you know Francis Benali then you’re definitely a football fan.

“Do you see what I’m saying?”

We said we did, but we didn’t really.