Nile Be There For You!

Newcastle United youngster Nile Ranger is a bit of a loose cannon, to say the least.
Ranger... Danger

Football Burp understands that Newcastle United striker Nile Ranger has admitted in court to breaching bail conditions after he was arrested last night at a city centre casino.

Ranger, an Aries, raised chuckles in the courtroom when he described the incident as “a gamble that didn’t pay off”, and was again granted bail with the same conditions on the grounds that he is “a loveable scamp”.

The Toon starlet then said, “I best be off to catch the bus into town – I’m meeting this reet belting bit of skirt at Barluga in an hour,” to which everyone present replied in unerring unison, “Alreet Nile, have fun.”

Soon after Ranger had left, someone said, “Wait a minute…” and he was rushed back to court to answer a charge of breaching bail conditions, before again being granted bail with the same conditions on the grounds that he stayed behind afterwards to sign a few autographs.

One witness said, for fifty quid: “So Nile says, ‘I think I left some signed photos in my car’, stepped slowly backwards and then quickly forwards out of the room and out of the building.

“All we heard after that was ‘pitta patta pitta patta pitta patta’, the sound of a car door slamming and then the car accelerating away.”

He added: “So eventually, I says, ‘I don’t think he’s coming back.’

“And then the scene ended.”

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