It’s the Newcastle form that’s got everyone scrambling to get Paul Dummett in their fantasy football team, and it’s all set to crumble hilariously if the Moirae are to be believed.
The white-robed incarnations of destiny, Greek, hinted that the Magpies’ six-game winning streak has been merely a comic device by which to build hubris and position them for yet another side-splitting fall from grace.
Saturday’s 1-0 win over Queens Park Rangers left Alan Pardew’s side within touching distance of the top 4, a remarkable turnaround from their poor start to the season but one that appears destined to end in tears, laughter, tears of laughter or despairing laughs, depending on your emotional investment.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the Moirae explained that Newcastle and Pardew share a genetic predisposition for ultimate failure, naturally secreting as they do an element known as comedy gold which has the chemical symbol HaHa and an atomic number of 101.
They chorused: “Of course, that was all our own doing – we’re mischievous so-and-so’s, us Fates.
“That Perez kid who seemed to come out of nowhere? He’s just a prop, as is the resurgence of Steven Taylor, the positive contributions of Sammy Ameobi – all of it, really.
“Don’t be taken in by this Newcastle form, we can assure you it’s leading up to something so funny that their relegation under Alan Shearer will seem positively dour by comparison.”